Newsletter Articles written by Tera Thomas
Issue 30
Enough
by Tera Thomas
I turned 60 in December and I have to say it felt really odd. I have never been one to worry about age or birthdays so it didn’t occur to me that this birthday would send me into a place of confusion and introspection. Why was this birthday different? Perhaps it was the daily complaints from my body and the increasing awareness that I am not physically as strong as I once was. But deeper, I realized that youth thinks there is always plenty of time and I had to admit that I was no longer a child and time now looked finite to me. I had so much more to accomplish and felt overwhelmed and unable to do it.
When I am in a space of confusion, the most positive thing for me to do is to go outside and sit with the river or the animals. I went to the pasture and planted myself in a chair. At first I whiney, saying, “I think it may all be over, I can’t do this alone.” Being whiney doesn’t get me far with any of my animal friends. They raise an eyebrow, or wrinkle their noses, or turn their butts to me to let me know how unappealing it is. It does shut me up.
It’s amazing how quickly my perspective changes when I stop the rhetoric in my head and just get quiet. It always seems like the sun has just come out to shine its golden rays on me. I look around at the riches, the beauty of this pasture and the sound of the river below me. I am grateful for the special qualities of each of my animal friends. When I am quiet and contemplative, they love to be near me. But even in my quiet space, I was feeling inadequate and wondering whether I would ever accomplish anything.
“Look at what you’ve been thinking and projecting to the universe instead of what you think you’ve been thinking,” suggested Inka.
I had definitely believed that my dream was possible and it was physically right here in front of me, right now. But so often in these last few years I looked at what still needed to be done, what was wrong with everything, instead of what was so right with it. I had also been whining that I needed help, that I was overwhelmed, and I realized that I had been feeling inadequate and unworthy. I had basically been saying that I am not enough.
“What if you never have help? What if there is no choice but to do this yourself?” asked Inka.
I thought about all the messages that we humans get from our parents, from schools, from television, from the collective consciousness that tell us we are not enough. And I thought of all the work I had done to believe in myself. But I never thought about what being enough really meant. Now, here I was contemplating this thought with five llamas, one alpaca, and six goats focusing their energy on me so that I might finally open to the feeling of enough. And then it appeared, as if I were in a movie with golden light on my face and the orchestra swelling, the realization that I am enough.
Is there a purpose to this story or is it just some self-indulgent rambling from me? Yes, there is a purpose. Life is so rich when walking a path with conscious awareness. So many times that aha moment has made me feel that I have finally gotten it. But, “getting it” is really not the point. The point is we are walking a path and always there is another, deeper level of awareness. Always, there is more.
I am enough. You are enough. We are each enough. There is enough time, enough to go around. There is power in being enough and it has nothing to do with whether you are by yourself or in a crowd, or how much time you think there is. Enough is enough, plain and simple.
It is the state of consciousness that animals live in every day. They don’t contemplate whether they deserve to be here, or they are working hard enough, or they are earning their keep, or fulfilling their life’s purpose. By the act of simply being, they are connected to their spiritual selves, to each other, to every living thing, and to the universe. It is a fullness of being. When we humans are able to allow our minds to rest and stop dictating all the things we need to do, or we didn’t do, we are also in that state of connection that truly is full and powerful and enough.
So, back to my life review and my question of whether I could re-commit myself to the dream of Hummingbird Farm. Of course the answer is yes, and the commitment is from an even deeper place than when I first made it. It is from a place of connection, of knowing that passion and dreaming have nothing to do with measuring worth or whether you deserve to live your dream. For me, my re-commitment to this dream is recognizing that there is nothing else in life that would be more fulfilling to me. This is how dreams are realized. And I know something deeper: If I have a dream, a deep desire, a passion for something, I must recognize deep inside myself that by the act of dreaming it, I am enough. And so are you.
